Well, I'm not really sure where to start. My last blog post was a tough one. We were hurting. All of us. We needed time to process all that had happened to us and there really wasn't any other way for me to do that except to walk away and let the healing happen. So that's what I did. For me, there is no real way of knowing when healing has happened except to try and write. I would sit and try to write and... nothing. So I would walk away again and try again another time. Funny thing these words, they almost have a mind of their own. You can't force them. They either come or they don't. So I'm not really sure what this post will look like. I'd like to update you on all that has happened in the last 2 years but that is not possible here so we'll start with a health update and go from there.
Stable. That is the clinical definition of where I am. And I am so incredibly thankful for that. We've lowered the dose of the medication that I take (to slow the growth of the cancer) from 125 to 100 and although I feel so much better on the lower dose, it is not without its challenges. My CA15-3 tumour marker which has been relatively stable for the last 4 years, has begun to climb somewhat.
Still within the acceptable parameters but just slowly moving in the wrong direction. Above 32 kU/L is considered "active" cancer. It seems reasonable that I will probably go back to the original dose but there was so much more impact to my quality of life at that dose. I'll be meeting with the oncologist next month to discuss this so your prayers are appreciated. These numbers are just one part of my overall well being and not something to focus on but it is interesting to see for sure. A friend of mine who is in the same situation as me (hi B!) same disease, same treatment, looks up the Psalm for whatever her number is and I thought I would do this as well.
Psalm 30
I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up and have not let my foes rejoice over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit. Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment, and his favour is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. As for me, I said in my prosperity, "I shall never be moved." By your favour, O Lord, you made my mountain stand strong; you hid your face; I was dismayed. To you, O Lord, I cry, and to the Lord I plead for mercy: "What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!" You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
Are there a few things in this Psalm and Song at the dedication of the house of David that I can relate to? Oh my, yes! I'm actually glad my tumour marker was 30! I'm so thankful for these comforting words. And I will give thanks to Him forever. Does this mean that my life will always go the way I would choose? No and if I could choose, would I know the way that it should go? Also no. No, I'm content to leave the unknown future in His hands. I trust Him completely. I've been reading the Bible chronologically this year which means that I've spent time in the Book of Job at the beginning of the year. When you read Job, you see that not every single thing that happens to us is planned for us by God but He does know of each and every thing that happens to us and by allowing us to go through it, it is His will for us. We continue to live in this sinful world where the sun shines and rain falls on the just and the unjust. But He has also given us the Comforter to help us through it. While we live in this fallen world, we WILL have trouble but my heart rejoices and what peace I have in knowing that He has overcome the world.
John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
So where does this leave me? Living each day, one at a time. Step by step. Not looking far into the future, just looking at the next step in front of me being aware that the Lord directs them. Knowing that while the struggles of this world are not always from Him, the next breath I take is. Also knowing that every single thing that does happen to me can be used by Him to draw me closer to Him in ways that might not have been possible otherwise. I'm learning to ride the wave. To be thankful for the wounds that keep me on my knees. And to see the joy in the world. I know, things can look pretty grim at times. Especially depending on where you look. Sometimes I have to make my world pretty small (like limited to the walls of my own home) and there is joy! The smile of a child (more coming on that!), helping someone or being there for them. In serving. Not in being served. We often look around for what there is for us in this world but by looking around at how we can help others, there is something there for us too. Recognize the season of life you are in and embrace it! Are you in a season of needing help or are you in a season of giving help? Don't believe that your glass has to be full before you can help others. With the right attitude, serving others can fill your glass at the same time. I know this to be entirely true because I have seen the Lord fill my glass to overflowing! I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me. If He isn't giving me the strength to do it, I need to ask myself if I should be doing it? How much time I have is not my business but how I spend the time that I do have, is. And that is how I choose to live with cancer instead of focusing on dying from it.
I was going to leave our family update for another post but it seems right after such a long break that I just make a mega post and do it all at once! I apologize in advance for the hefty picture dump! Trust me when I say that I left a lot out! If you know, then you know!
Family Update
Oh friends, our family has known such immense joy and happiness and we have also known incredible pain and loss. And sometimes at the same time. How is this possible? When you rejoice with those who are rejoicing and when you mourn with those who mourn. We have been able to celebrate with those on the happiest of their days and we have sung 'It Is Well With My Soul' with those saying goodbye to their dear ones and we have cried out to the Lord on behalf of those experiencing devastating loss. We have welcomed new people into our family and we have said goodbye to precious loved ones. Truly, the Lord has given and the Lord has taken away but in all things blessed be the name of the Lord.
The Neufelds 2024
Family Photos by
Here we are! If you notice, we've added some precious people to our family!
Allow me to introduce Miss Louisa!
She is just the absolute sweetest and we just can't even remember what life was like without her!!
(Pictured here with Auntie Hannah)
She spends her days trying to keep up with her big brother...
...but don't worry, she can blaze her own trail too!
She is the perfect addition to this sweetest, growing little family!!
And speaking of additions, Jace and Louisa have a new sibling!! This little person has already stolen our hearts and we just can't wait to meet him or her! And very soon!
"Children's children are the crown of the aged."
Proverbs 17:6a
This couldn't be more true. Even if that does make us aged.
"That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth...
...that our daughters may be as cornerstones, polished after the similtude of
a palace." Psalms 144:12
These two. (at 8 and 4!) My heart! Could we have ever imagined ...
... that this would be their happy beginning!!
Benjamin and Melody! You are both so precious to us and we are so incredibly thankful that the Lord brought you together in His own time and in His own way!
A wedding in Prince Edward Island! The Lord provided for us to go and for some of us, this flight was a first!
Dressed up and ready to join in the day.
Beautiful decorations...
...and a beautiful day! Thank you Lord!
Doing some sightseeing in PEI. We were there just after hurricane Fiona and the wind turned the ocean red! So many colours in the picture.
Fulfilling a life long wish to take my kids to Green Gables. They've all been now. If you think He doesn't care about the little things, He does!
Thank you Lord.
Downtown Charlottetown.
Confederation Bridge
We were also able to visit our friends in Nova Scotia! Collecting rocks at their favourite spot!
C'etait une journee ensoleillee mais il faisait tres froid!!
Peggy's Cove, NS
Lunenberg, NS
It was late in the year and the Blue Nose had been put away for the winter. I guess this means we have to go back!
Fort Anne National Historic Site
Annapolis Royal, NS
Home again! Here are some pictures from my phone, not in any particular order.
Oh ya, she's having fun.
Oh Louisa!! You have no idea how happy you make our hearts!
Jace is getting a personal tour of the fire hall from Uncle Ben!
Smiles at the campfire!
Abby got her "L"!
Fair days!
Back to school day 1! Yup, we do things differently here!
Working in the garden.
The fruits of our labour! haha
Birthday girl!
A quiet place to sit and thank the Lord for all of His blessings.
There's a new calf under there! Ah spring!
And new friends as well.
This guy got big pretty quick!
A girls night out painting party! Kass is putting the finishing touches on her work of art!
So much fun!!
These girls can paint! Mel, that looks amazing!
Always lots of food! Pizza night!!
Girls trip away for a special birthday!
Can she ever make me smile!!
Jace asks for the "horsie house"!
All snuggled up and ready for a winter walk!
Baking with Grammie!
Oh Jace!! My Heart!!
Can't forget the birthday trifles! Hannah is hanging on to this one pretty good.
Pizza at Steve's house!!
Here's Joey enjoying his room all to himself. What will he do with all that space?? Lol
More birthday trifle!
Getting some time behind the wheel!
If it looks like so much fun, it is!! It might be a lot of work sometimes but it is worth it all and then some. If it looks like I have more pictures of some than others, I do. We've reached a point where not everyone wants to have their picture taken. That's ok. I'm happy with what I can get! If it looks like things are always fun and games, they aren't. Sometimes it's very hard. And that's ok too. I'm not trying to make you think that life is always just the smiles you see on the highlight reel. Sometimes it's a lot of work. Relationships take work. And it isn't always fun. Putting others first doesn't always come naturally. In fact, it rarely does. It is something that we have to teach ourselves and our children. Again and again. But I am so incredibly thankful for each person in our family. Watching each of them grow and make mistakes and learn is such a profound blessing and I usually end up learning right along with them. But watching them grow and smile and follow the Lord? Truly there is no greater joy.
I haven't posted this yet because I really don't want to. My dad passed away last year and it truly hasn't sunk in yet. He had just celebrated his 81st birthday a couple days earlier and his passing was very unexpected. I thought about giving him his own post but I'm not ready to do that and besides, I really wanted him in this post, with us. Surrounded by all of our smiling faces, just where he liked to be.
1942 - 2023
We had another sad loss last year and that was of the precious little baby of Ben and Melody's. I know we don't typically talk publicly about miscarriage but I think we should. Their little life mattered and they were loved and longed for even though they weren't with us very long. How interesting that we can love someone so fiercely that we've never even met? But make no mistake, we can. And that makes our grief real. That second line on the pregnancy test represents an eternal soul and even if we never get to hold them in our arms, we will carry them forever in our hearts. What a day of rejoicing it will be when we are finally reunited! Thank you Lord! (shared with permission.)
I will refrain from giving personal details in order to respect the privacy of others but there are many people that we have experienced loss with this year. Please know that we continue to pray with you and for you as you, along with us, learn how to carry on without the ones that were so dear us.
Job 1:21
"And he said, Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
God bless you, Esther, for LIVING, really participating, in spite of your illness. Joy and sorrow in the same cup? I feel similarly. So grateful to be reminded that "joy comes in the morning. "
ReplyDeleteHello Jocelyn! Took me forever to figure out how to comment on my own blog. Thank you so much for your kind comment. Miss you and your family! :-)
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