First Round Almost Done

First things first, thank you so so much to each person who is praying for us! We so appreciate it and are so blessed by it!  And thank you to those who have helped us. Honestly, we appreciate it so much! Whether you have sent vegan recipes (thank you E and S!) or brought us a meal or reminded me of a way to get Essiac down without having to drink that horrid tea (thank you Mrs. C!), for special packages that come in the mail (thank you C!), or if you have helped us financially, there truly aren't words to express the depths of our gratitude. Thank you for sending information our way as well (thank you M & L & D!). There is so much that we are learning and we don't pretend to even know the half of it so if you know of anything that might be helpful, please feel free to send it to us.

The Lord has truly surrounded us with a special group of people and we are so thankful.

I am currently 1 day away from finishing the first 3 weeks of cancer therapy. I am pretty ready for the one week break coming up. I am tolerating the medication fairly well so far and my blood work is good so we keep moving forward. The MRI was clear and I had a chest xray last week and the results were "no significant change". They were using an xray I had done at the beginning of July for comparison so we are taking that as great news!! No new growth is good! There was a small change in tumour size between two CT scans that I had done in July and I am not sure if they account for that or if xrays don't pick up on such small changes but either way, I am taking it as good news and we are thanking the Lord for it!!

I met with a radiation oncologist yesterday.  He specializes in breast cancer and lung cancer so my case is interesting to him. After consulting with colleagues, he has decided to hold off on radiation treatments for me right now. This is good and bad but we are trusting that it is the right decision for me. The good is that I am doing well, tolerating the medication mostly and not in any immediate danger. They would like to wait and see how I do in the next few weeks leading up to my next CT scan in October before deciding to move ahead with radiation. The problem is that the longer we wait, the more time it has to potentially grow and spread but since it is stable at the moment, and if we give the medication more time to work, I might have a better chance of not needing radiation at all right now. Since I am in this for the long haul, it is better to keep some things for later use should the need arise. The opposing line of thought is to hit it hard and fast now to keep it from growing at all but sometimes that is not always what happens and there can be significant damage to the lung that can complicate matters on top of not achieving the desired results. If the opening to my lung is damaged it could cause my lung to collapse so the benefit definitely has to outweigh the risk and right now, it doesn't. And since there is known lymph node involvement as well, they already know that they won't be able to reach it all anyway. They all agree that radiation will only be a one time option for me so it is better to hold off on it for now.  Deep breath. Blind faith. That is how we live right now.

So how am I? Physically I am tired. I have painful sores in my mouth and on my hands. The ones in my mouth make eating and drinking a challenge so I am keeping my diet very bland and drinking smoothies. Nothing crunchy or spicy. I picked up a prescription mouthwash this morning that is supposed to give me some relief and I plan to experiment with essential oils on my hands. My skin is pretty itchy as well and I have a headache and nausea for a lot of the day but so far, I am managing. It takes a fair bit for me to go out and do things and even though I am making myself do exactly that, it can be exhausting. It is important for me to try and keep up with some of our regular activities, so I am doing what I can. 

Emotionally, I am hanging in there. Some days, it is like having a little black rain cloud nearby. Most of the time, I try not to focus on it but just when I am having fun or laughing, it will remind me that it is there and can take some of the enjoyment out of whatever I am doing. I don't know if rain cloud is the best analogy but it is definitely not something that I can just ignore. It is there. And I have to learn to manage it, to conquer it and to not let it consume my thoughts. My joy and my strength come from the Lord and He promises to always be with me and to never forsake me and of this, I am very confident. But this is also proving to be a formidable enemy that threatens that joy and needs to be fought almost continuously. It doesn't take breaks, it doesn't recognize holidays or even the time of day for that matter. It's just always there, waiting to remind me of all of the "what ifs". I am so thankful for Bible verses placed all around our house that also remind me, and all of us, of great Truths. I am so thankful for sweet peace that when delivered, passes all understanding. For times when I can truly "be still" and know that He is God. When I don't struggle to know the outcome, I can just trust in Him for today and let tomorrow worry about itself. But make no mistake, there is definitely a battle going on between what I know and what I feel. The battle is not always just between me and some rogue cells in my body. It is between me and also me.

Whether I am victorious in this battle here on earth or I enter victoriously into His presence, either way, I win. 

And for that, I am thankful.  

Faith Is The Victory

Encamped along the hills of light, Ye Christian soldiers rise,

And press the battle ere the night, Shall veil the glowing skies.

Against the foe in vales below Let all our strength be hurled;

Faith is the victory we know, That overcomes the world.

Faith is the Victory! Faith is the Victory!

O glorious Victory, That overcomes the world.

His banner over us is love, Our sword the Word of God,

We tread the road the saints above, With shouts of triumph trod.

By faith they, like a whirl-winds breath, Swept on o'er every field;

The faith by which they conquered death, Is still our shining shield.

Faith is the Victory! Faith is the Victory!

O glorious Victory, That overcomes the world.

On every hand the foe we find, Drawn up in dread array,

Let tents of ease be left behind, And onward to the fray.

Salvation's helmet on each head, With truth all girt about;

The earth shall tremble 'neath our tread, And echo with our shout.

Faith is the Victory! Faith is the Victory!
O glorious Victory, That overcomes the world.

To him that overcomes the foe, White raiment shall be giv'n,

Before the angels he shall know, His name confessed in Heav'n.

Then onward from the hills of light, Our hearts with love aflame;

We'll vanquish all the hosts of night, In Jesus' conquering name.

Faith is the Victory! Faith is the Victory!

O glorious victory, That overcomes the world. 

~ John H. Yates, 1891 ~

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. 

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: 

lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. 

I will abide in thy tabernacle forever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.

Psalm 61:1-4