Scanxiety...It's A Thing

Hi Everyone! Just a quick update to let you know, I am finally feeling better! So, so thankful to be feeling more like myself again. I picked up the cold that is going around and it just wiped me out. I had a couple days of being flat out on the couch and having hardly any energy at all which was not fun. My temp was one degree away from having to head to the ER and I am very thankful that it held off. Almost everyone in our family had this bug (to varying degrees) except for Phil so hopefully it either passes him by completely or he gets it and recovers quickly so it doesn't start making the rounds again. One of the issues of having a large family is that germs usually take their time going through everyone which makes them harder to get rid of. Suffice it to say, there is a lot of hand washing going on here these days. 

It is almost time for a check up scan so I would greatly appreciate continued prayer for that. I will have my regular blood work done this week and then a CT scan next week to check on tumor growth.  It's a bit earlier than first scheduled but the radiologist wants to check on it in case it might be better to switch directions at this point. It is always a bit stressful when it's time to go for a scan, not just because I have to go to the hospital but also because I am tempted to worry about it. My "what if" radar goes off the charts. What if the tumor is growing? What if it has spread? What if that <insert random pain here> is actually a new cancer growing somewhere else? You get the idea. I am working on it. I wish I could say that I no longer struggle with it but in the interest of keeping things real, I must confess I still occasionally (sometimes regularly, ugh), give in to the temptation to worry. 

Please understand though, it is not because I don't believe in the Sovereignty of God. Because I do. It's not because I don't believe with all my heart that the next breath I take is a gift from Him. Because I do. It's not because I doubt whether He is Good all the time, no matter the outcome. Because He is. My problem lies solely with this pesky flesh of mine. The one that is continually at war with my spirit. It is a battle to reconcile these two and the unfortunate casualty in this battle is peace. It can be taken from me almost without my realizing it and before I am aware, I have gone down several rabbit holes of "what ifs". Time and time again, I have to take it back to the feet of Jesus and pray for peace. And oh, the peace is so perfect. If only I could just leave it there. In that way, it makes me long for when I will sit at His feet and enjoy that Peace forever. But until then, I struggle to run this race before me. Some days, I run confidently and other days, I toddle along unsteadily. But all the days, I am so thankful for Grace that meets me where I am and reminds me who I am and why it matters to not only trust Him for all the things but to also obey and to continually take my worries and fears and leave them with Him. 

Even if I have to do it every day. 

Multiple times.  

Trust and Obey

When we walk with the Lord In the light of His Word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will, He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, Not a cloud in the skies,

But His smile quickly drives it away.

Not a doubt nor a fear, Nor a sigh nor a tear,

Can abide while we trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay.

Not a grief nor a loss, Not a frown nor a cross,

But is blest if we trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

But we never can prove, the delights of his love,

Until all on the altar we lay;

For the favor He shows and the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet, we will sit at His feet,

Or we'll walk by His side in the way.

What He says we will do, Where He sends we will go,

Never fear, only trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

~John H. Sammis, 1887~

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

2 Corinthians 10:5