Health Update

Hello everyone! I apologize for the time it takes for me to get these updates out. I was waiting for one final appointment so I could hopefully have all the information in one post instead of bits and pieces but it looks as though there will still be bits and pieces. I had a CT scan in the beginning of June which showed some new growth as well as growth to some of the existing nodes. The impression reads "Interval progression of disease" which is disheartening to read. Also disheartening to read is "Smooth interlobular septal thickening and some ground-glass density in the left upper lobe that is new from previous exam, and most likely represents a degree of lymphangitic carcinomatosis in the setting of a left hilar mass".

Sigh. 

Not what I was hoping to hear for sure. Especially since this summer it will be five years for me since I wrote this post after being diagnosed with Metastatic Breast Cancer. I was hoping to be able to celebrate this milestone in a much different way. But here we are. There are a lot of feelings and emotions that go along with this new diagnosis but one of the feelings that I just can't shake is Hope.  If you know me, you know I'm a wordy girl. I like to write and I'm pretty careful with the words I choose (sometimes agonizing for longer than I care to admit over a single word) so when I read words like "most likely represents",  I can't help but cling to the hope that maybe, just maybe, there is a possibility, however remote, that there could be some other explanation for what was seen on the CT. Unfortunately, after you've been diagnosed with MBC, it kind of gets blamed for everything. I could be having symptoms that are typical for someone my age and MBC, or the drugs used to treat it, are usually assumed to be the culprit. They just don't look for too much else. But here's my thought, I was sick. Like very sick for a long time. It started around March and lasted quite a few weeks.  The cough held on even longer than that. So is it possible that this is what they observed on the scan? The cough was already clearing up before I had the CT and it has cleared up even more since then. I've only needed the inhalers a handful of times since then. I don't want to be unrealistic and give myself false hope but is it possible? 

Fast forward to my meeting with the oncologist and surprisingly, he agreed. The words in his report were "there is a small possibility that it is reactive".  Small possibility? Like just a sliver of Hope? I'll take it!! His recommendation was to repeat the CT scan in 6 weeks. If the next one does show true progression then he will present my case to the breast cancer rounds and see what is available for clinical trials that are ongoing in my area since my current treatment will be considered to have failed. And it is my understanding that there isn't much else for MBC treatment after a CDK 4/6 inhibitor and an aromatase inhibitor fail unless I want to do full IV chemotherapy. Which I'm pretty sure I don't have to say that I don't. 

Another thing that is concerning is the tumour marker, my CA15-3. It has continued to rise, however slowly, since last October and it is now at 32 which, although it is still right on the threshold, is high enough now to be considered active cancer. There are times when your tumour marker can rise for other reasons but that would be the exception, not the rule.

So, that's where I am. In a period of waiting. My next CT is booked for the end of July and until then I continue to rest in the Lord and wait and Hope.  For my praying friends, would pray with us? That the Lord would be glorified, whatever the outcome. And would you also pray for my family?  As I've said before, we all go through this together. I wish it was different and my kids could live carefree lives not burdened with cares about the health of a parent but the only way to do that is to not tell anyone and that doesn't seem right. My prayer is that the Lord would use these trials to refine us and draw us, all of us, closer to Himself and help us to trust Him wholeheartedly. Even when it doesn't make sense. Especially when it doesn't make sense. 

I know I've shared this hymn before but it is just resonating with me these days. I read it and listen to it again and again. I don't put myself on any level with Fanny Crosby but this one is special to me!

~ All The Way My Savior Leads Me ~

All the way my Savior leads me; What have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my guide?

Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort, Hereby faith in Him to dwell!

For I know whate'ere befall me, Jesus doeth all things well,

For I know whate'ere befall me, Jesus doeth all things well. 

All the way my Savior leads me; Cheers each winding path I tread,

Gives me grace for every trial, Feeds me with the living bread.

Though my weary steps may falter, And my soul athirst may be,

Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of joy I see.

Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me; Oh, the fullness of His grace!

Perfect rest to me is promised In my Father's blest embrace.

When my spirit clothed immortal, Wings its flight to realms of day,

This my song through endless ages: Jesus led me all the way,

This my song through endless ages: Jesus led me all the way.

Lyrics: Fanny Crosby (1820 -1915)

Music: Robert Lowry (1826 - 1899)

Stay tuned! We've had some new additions to our family again so there's a Family Update coming soon! 😊

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah. I acknowledged my sins to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah. Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters they shall not reach him. You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with a bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you. Many are the sorrows of the wicked but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord. Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Psalms 32