The Plan

The Plan at the moment involves some more waiting but I think I can give you an idea of the direction we will be moving in. Oncologists rarely make decisions on their own so everything we talked about today will be run past another group of doctors to make sure everyone agrees. Basically, the type of cancer I have has mutated and has learned to survive outside of where it originated. That makes it very difficult to treat as it doesn't always respond to traditional therapies, ie chemotherapy and radiation. Because it is estrogen receptor positive, it is recommended to treat it hormonally instead to see if that will stop it from growing. A quick fix this is not. It is considered a palliative treatment because the chances that they will actually be able to cure it and declare me cancer free are low. His exact words were, "It will take a miracle".  That's OK because I happen to know Someone who specializes in those. 

This doesn't mean that all hope through conventional means is lost. There are some things we can try to see if we can stop the tumor from growing and metastasizing further. Treatment options would change if the condition of the tumor changes but for now, the focus will be on it not growing anymore and possibly even shrinking it. One of those things would be to drastically reduce my estrogen levels, ie. induce menopause ie. remove my ovaries. I have mixed feelings about this but ultimately, I think it's a good choice. Mostly because it will put me in menopause quickly without needing to chemically induce it and keep me on medication for possibly years but also because they are watching a spot on my ovary that may be involved and this will deal with it before it can grow into something more serious. The other thing to do is some localized radiation that will hopefully shrink the tumor and give me some relief from this cough and help me breathe easier. Both of these things, combined with using aromatase inhibitors to reduce estrogen and a new drug (sorry the name escapes me and I forgot to write it down) to attack the cancer in its nucleus, are part of the plan while we watch carefully to see if anything changes in my lung. Like I said, not a quick fix. But potentially a fix, nonetheless.

So, how am I doing?  I am hopeful. I think if we lose hope, we lose perspective. We always hope. Until the Lord shows us otherwise, we hope. Am I handling everything great? Not always. I had what can only be described as a meltdown of epic proportions today that I am not proud of but in the interest of keeping things real, I mention it. Suffice it to say that Phil took the brunt of  it and for that I am sorry. (Love you Phil!) I have anxiety issues that relate directly to doctor's offices that make it challenging for me to go there. Very challenging. Particularly, the oncology department. If you've ever struggled with anxiety, then you know what I mean. My heart rate increases, my breathing quickens, and I start to sweat. Waiting is so hard. Why oh why can't they ever just be on time so I can just walk right in? My hands desperately needed something to do and I needed to hear from the Lord so I grabbed my phone and frantically typed "Psalms" into the search bar. The first one to show up was Psalm 118. I don't know why it was first but I grabbed at it desperately. Perfect peace, perfect peace, perfect peace....

Oh give thanks to the Lord;  for he is good: because his mercy endureth forever.

Ah, the Lord is Good! Because His mercy. It endures forever.

I called upon the Lord in distress; the Lord answered me.

I can call on Him and He hears me and answers me.

The Lord is on my side, I will not fear.

Fear, be gone. The Lord is on my side.

It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in men.

Men will never to take my hope away. Even when they use words like 'palliative'.

The Lord is my strength and my song; and is become my salvation.

Oh yes, the Lord is my strength. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

I shall not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord.

Does this mean I will not die? No, but until then I will declare the works of the Lord. 

The Lord hath chastened me sore; but he hath not given me over unto death. 

Today, I have breath in my lungs and I will praise Him. 

This is the day that the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

There is something to rejoice about and be glad for in each day!

O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.

Repeated in case I missed it the first time.

And once again, peace washes over me. Perfect peace, infusing me with strength not of my own. And I'm so thankful! So very thankful.

1	Day by day, and with each passing moment, Strength I find to meet my trials here; Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment, I’ve no cause for worry or for fear. He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure, Gives unto each day what He deems best, Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, Mingling toil with peace and rest.
2	Every day the Lord Himself is near me, With a special mercy for each hour; All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me, He whose name is Counsellor and Pow’r. The protection of His child and treasure Is a charge that on Himself He laid; “As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,” This the pledge to me He made.
3	Help me then, in every tribulation, So to trust Thy promises, O Lord, That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation, Offered me within Thy holy Word. Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting, E’er to take, as from a father’s hand, One by one, the days, the moments fleeting, Till with Christ the Lord I stand.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. 

Isaiah 41:10